From (Cape Times, South Africa, 6/13/96) "For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a dead patient in the same bed every Friday morning" a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters. "There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive checks on the air conditioning system, and a search for possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues." "However, further inquiries have now revealed the cause of these deaths.
It seems that every Friday morning a cleaner would enter the ward, remove the plug that powered the patient's life support system, plug her floor polisher into the vacant socket, then go about her business. When she had finished her chores, she would plug the life support machine back in and leave, unaware that the patient was now dead. She could not, after all, hear the screams and eventual death rattle over the whirring of her polisher.
"We are sorry, and have sent a strong letter to the cleaner in question. Further, the Free State Health and Welfare Department is arranging for an electrician to fit an extra socket, so there should be no repetition of this incident. The enquiry is now closed." BTW, the headline of the newspaper story was, "Cleaner Polishes Off Patients."

This story is very popular in Europe and Australia.
It’s about an Australian TV show, where two men – a priest and a farmer - got into the final round. They answered all questions, but there was still a tie. Thus, in order to find a winner, they got the last test. In 5 minutes, they had to write a short poem with the word “Timbuktu”. Timbuktu is an ancient city in Mali, on the African continent.
When they were ready, the priest read his poem:
"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu....."
Everyone applauded and cheered.
Then, the farmer read his poem:
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went
We met three ladies cheap to rent,
they were three and we were two.
so I booked one and Tim booked two....."

In a hotel, a couple had breakfast and called the waiter to get the check.
The waiter, of course, wanted to get better tips and started a conversation:
- So, you’re here for the whole weekend?
- Yes
- Got kids?
- Yes
- And you left them home this time, didn’t you?
- You got it
- So, there’s only two of you, that’s so romantic!
- Yep
- And who’s staying with the kids?
- My wife…

My uncle read this in a newspaper
A guy and his wife were returning home from a party. The woman was concerned that her hubby had had a little too much alcohol and kept asking him to let her drive. The guy was really intoxicated, but he claimed that he’s ok and would not allow her at the wheel. The woman then saw a police car and said that they should check with the police if the guy should drive or not. They stopped the car right beside the police cruiser, so the officer saw who was at the wheel. A quick test showed that the guy’s alcohol level is way beyond any legal limit and the officer arrested the guy on the spot.

I found this story online and think it deserves to be posted here 
My neighbor, a very quiet and modest old man, had a huge front yard and lots of dog owners liked to walk their dogs on it. Of course, many dogs would poop on the grass, but not that many people would scoop it up. The old man was very quiet and would never complain about it. However, his lawn was always clean and I have never seen him clean it, so it was a mystery to me – who cleans the lawn? I asked him about it, but he just smiled and said that the dogs actually clean his lawn every day, but did not want to give me the details…
Now, the mystery was even bigger, so throughout the day I would throw a glance at his front yard it to see how “the dogs scoop the poop”. One morning, I noticed that my neighbor is doing something in the front yard and had a closer look. He was pouring barbecue sauce on all dog poop!

This happened in a high-class restaurant on the French Riviera. There, clients can walk up to a huge container where lobsters are kept, and choose the one they want to be cooked for them for dinner. So, a client just chose a lobster and the waiter, in a very professional way, picked it from the water, wiped it and put it on the scale to determine its price. While the waiter was doing his job, several old ladies from another table were looking at it and started to express their pity for the poor lobster – it’s such a beautiful creature, but it will be killed and eaten, oh, this is so bad, etc. After the lobster was weighed, the waiter approached the client, showed him the lobster and told him how heavy it was. The client was satisfied. Then, just before taking it to the kitchen, the waiter turned to the old ladies’ table, waived with the lobster’s claw and said “Say bye-bye to the ladies!”

Police in Belgium does not bother to catch street racers – there are radars with cameras installed on the roads and when someone speeds on the road – the camera takes a picture of the car and its license plate. Then, the ticket is sent by snail mail to the driver’s home address.
Sometime ago, a radar showed that a car was speeding at 200 miles per hour! Of course, the police wanted to see what kind of car that was and checked the picture, but it was empty. The car was too fast for the camera – it drove away before the camera could snap the image.

During a robbery in a store, the robber threw the bag to the cashier so that he puts the money in it. When the cashier was done, the robber asked him to throw into the bag a bottle of martini, but the cashier refused to do it right away – he asked the robber to prove that he’s of drinking age. After several minutes of arguing, the robber showed his driving license. The cashier checked it and agreed to throw in the bottle.
When the robber got home, the police was already waiting for him at the door.

In November 2002 there was a “Drunken Moose Alert in Southern Norway”. The summer of that year was very warm and favorable for fruit trees. But then, early snowfall and cold temperatures stopped the fruits from falling on the ground, so many of them remained on trees. This made them a readily available source of food for moose. However, they also started to ferment and thus were producing alcohol.
You never know how a drunken moose would react to a human’s presence, so authorities warned that if you see a moose, do not approach it – clap your hands and see how it reacts. Usually they retreat, but if this does not happen – stay vigilant because the moose may be intoxicated and may attack.

When I was in college, our Math professor always had the habit of putting his wristwatch on his desk and checking it from time to time to see how much time is left till the end of class. The math class was quite boring, but worse than that was the prof’s way of speaking – he had a very monotone voice and we were getting pretty sleepy by the end of his lectures. On a Friday, when his class was the last on the schedule, we were dying to go home, but couldn’t – he was quite strict and would not allow us to go home earlier. But we found a solution ;)
Our best math student, John H, was sitting in the first row, right next to the professor’s desk. We quietly asked him to give us the prof’s watch. He whispered that we are crazy and that he wouldn’t do it. As we were quite determined to get the watch, we finally made John steal it from the prof’s desk and pass it on to us. Very quickly, we set the time ahead by 20 minutes, gave the watch to Johnny and he put it back – while the prof was writing something on the whiteboard. When he checked the time again, he didn’t suspect anything – he just said that we have 10 more minutes till the end of class… When we got out of the classroom, there was nobody in the hallways – other students were still having classes, but we quickly left the building, before the prof could realize that we pulled a good one on him. Long time after that, we still were laughing our ass off at this prank.