This story is very popular in Europe and Australia.
It’s about an Australian TV show, where two men – a priest and a farmer - got into the final round. They answered all questions, but there was still a tie. Thus, in order to find a winner, they got the last test. In 5 minutes, they had to write a short poem with the word “Timbuktu”. Timbuktu is an ancient city in Mali, on the African continent.
When they were ready, the priest read his poem:
"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu....."
Everyone applauded and cheered.
Then, the farmer read his poem:
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went
We met three ladies cheap to rent,
they were three and we were two.
so I booked one and Tim booked two....."

In a hotel, a couple had breakfast and called the waiter to get the check.
The waiter, of course, wanted to get better tips and started a conversation:
- So, you’re here for the whole weekend?
- Yes
- Got kids?
- Yes
- And you left them home this time, didn’t you?
- You got it
- So, there’s only two of you, that’s so romantic!
- Yep
- And who’s staying with the kids?
- My wife…

My uncle read this in a newspaper
A guy and his wife were returning home from a party. The woman was concerned that her hubby had had a little too much alcohol and kept asking him to let her drive. The guy was really intoxicated, but he claimed that he’s ok and would not allow her at the wheel. The woman then saw a police car and said that they should check with the police if the guy should drive or not. They stopped the car right beside the police cruiser, so the officer saw who was at the wheel. A quick test showed that the guy’s alcohol level is way beyond any legal limit and the officer arrested the guy on the spot.

I found this story online and think it deserves to be posted here 
My neighbor, a very quiet and modest old man, had a huge front yard and lots of dog owners liked to walk their dogs on it. Of course, many dogs would poop on the grass, but not that many people would scoop it up. The old man was very quiet and would never complain about it. However, his lawn was always clean and I have never seen him clean it, so it was a mystery to me – who cleans the lawn? I asked him about it, but he just smiled and said that the dogs actually clean his lawn every day, but did not want to give me the details…
Now, the mystery was even bigger, so throughout the day I would throw a glance at his front yard it to see how “the dogs scoop the poop”. One morning, I noticed that my neighbor is doing something in the front yard and had a closer look. He was pouring barbecue sauce on all dog poop!

This happened in a high-class restaurant on the French Riviera. There, clients can walk up to a huge container where lobsters are kept, and choose the one they want to be cooked for them for dinner. So, a client just chose a lobster and the waiter, in a very professional way, picked it from the water, wiped it and put it on the scale to determine its price. While the waiter was doing his job, several old ladies from another table were looking at it and started to express their pity for the poor lobster – it’s such a beautiful creature, but it will be killed and eaten, oh, this is so bad, etc. After the lobster was weighed, the waiter approached the client, showed him the lobster and told him how heavy it was. The client was satisfied. Then, just before taking it to the kitchen, the waiter turned to the old ladies’ table, waived with the lobster’s claw and said “Say bye-bye to the ladies!”

During a robbery in a store, the robber threw the bag to the cashier so that he puts the money in it. When the cashier was done, the robber asked him to throw into the bag a bottle of martini, but the cashier refused to do it right away – he asked the robber to prove that he’s of drinking age. After several minutes of arguing, the robber showed his driving license. The cashier checked it and agreed to throw in the bottle.
When the robber got home, the police was already waiting for him at the door.

In November 2002 there was a “Drunken Moose Alert in Southern Norway”. The summer of that year was very warm and favorable for fruit trees. But then, early snowfall and cold temperatures stopped the fruits from falling on the ground, so many of them remained on trees. This made them a readily available source of food for moose. However, they also started to ferment and thus were producing alcohol.
You never know how a drunken moose would react to a human’s presence, so authorities warned that if you see a moose, do not approach it – clap your hands and see how it reacts. Usually they retreat, but if this does not happen – stay vigilant because the moose may be intoxicated and may attack.

When I was in college, our Math professor always had the habit of putting his wristwatch on his desk and checking it from time to time to see how much time is left till the end of class. The math class was quite boring, but worse than that was the prof’s way of speaking – he had a very monotone voice and we were getting pretty sleepy by the end of his lectures. On a Friday, when his class was the last on the schedule, we were dying to go home, but couldn’t – he was quite strict and would not allow us to go home earlier. But we found a solution ;)
Our best math student, John H, was sitting in the first row, right next to the professor’s desk. We quietly asked him to give us the prof’s watch. He whispered that we are crazy and that he wouldn’t do it. As we were quite determined to get the watch, we finally made John steal it from the prof’s desk and pass it on to us. Very quickly, we set the time ahead by 20 minutes, gave the watch to Johnny and he put it back – while the prof was writing something on the whiteboard. When he checked the time again, he didn’t suspect anything – he just said that we have 10 more minutes till the end of class… When we got out of the classroom, there was nobody in the hallways – other students were still having classes, but we quickly left the building, before the prof could realize that we pulled a good one on him. Long time after that, we still were laughing our ass off at this prank.

PETA members: don’t read this!!!
My friend, while in school, had many different pets at home. He took very good care of them, but anyway he was not able to prevent one accident. It happened during a very cold winter, on a day when their house’s heating system broke. The temperature in the house was decreasing quickly and the water in his aquarium was also getting too cold for the fish. Unfortunately, he did not have an aquarium water heater so he used his mother’s immersion water heater – the one that is used to boil water...
He placed a protection cover around it, so that the fish do not touch it, but then his mother asked him to to something. He went to help his mother, and completely forgot about the fish. When he finally was back in his room, it was too late to save the poor creatures. He never had fish pets after that. But we would tease him anyway – why didn’t you add salt and lemon juice? Why didn’t you at least try the soup? Were you THAT hungry that you had to boil the poor tiny fish?

My boyfriend Roger with several roommates was renting a big house near their university campus. I can’t say how many parties they had each week, but the average is close to seven ;)
There, I met with the best and also craziest prankster I’ve ever seen – a guy named Alan. He would invent pranks and jokes on the fly, but one was just outrageous and here is what he did (nauseous people – don’t read further!!!)
One Saturday evening, when everyone – and that was about 30 people - was full of pizza and beer, he ran into the living room with human sh*t on a piece of cardboard and shouted “Look what I found!” Everyone tried to stay away from Alan because he looked drunk and could drop the stuff anywhere. However, as Alan intended to show everyone closely what he found, he started chasing people down – with THAT stuff in front of him. After several unsuccessful attempts, he sat on the floor and said “Well, then I’ll enjoy it by myself” and STARTED EATING IT!!! Two girls and a guy puked right there in the room, several people ran outside... Then, Alan started laughing his ass off.
This friggin’ crazy dude bought fresh brownie cake and modeled it to look like a piece of crap. He then put it on a cardboard and, well, you know the rest… Idiot!